Have we pulled a Christmas cracker of an interview for you! Let’s give a big hand for the legend… the one… the only… SANTA CLAUS!!!
TW: Hi Santy! Thanks so much for finding time in your incredibly busy schedule for a chat.
You answer to many names: Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Père Noël, Kris Kringle, Święty Mikołaj, Christkind, Ded Moroz, Saint Nicholas, Pai Natal, Weihnachtsmann…
Santy: Yes I do. Trending at the moment is Santa Claus and Père Noël.
TW: Which do you prefer Santy?
Santy: I’m leaving if you call me Santy. Kris, will do just fine!
TW: Okaaay! So, Krissy baby, first question…
Kris: I’m warning you, the reindeer are revving their engines…
TW: Chill man!
There’ve been sightings of you on social media that have raised questions... weight gain, weight loss, hanging around with dubious celebrities. How do you feel about people questioning your existence?
— toby knapp (@tkradio) December 13, 2016
Kris: It’s their loss. Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny and I often have a laugh about it. Just because they can’t see us, they don’t believe we exist. Seriously, who do they think leaves money for an old and bloody tooth or brings chocolate eggs, their parents?!!! Can they see oxygen, gravity, quantum particles?
Better men than me have their existence questioned on a daily basis… meh!
TW: Why the red and white theme? Fact or fiction, your costume was a marketing campaign dreamt up by the manufacturer of a popular carbonated soft drink?
Kris: Stuff and nonsense! I was wearing red and white long before that particular drink hit the sh’elves. Ho ho ho, see what I did there?
TW: Glad to hear it, we’d hate for there to be anything remotely commercial about Christmas.
Kids from all around the globe send their Christmas lists to you. To be prepared, you need to know what toys are trending. How do you find out?
Kris: My abominable friend, the Yeti, recommended I try Talkwalker’s social listening platform. I gave it a go and I haven’t looked back since. Well, actually I have LOL, because you can do that with this tool. Easier if you give it a go and see for yourself…
Suffice to say, I now know what toys are trending throughout the year. This year it’s Hatchimals. The elves have been doing user testing and the workshop now looks scarily like an alien spaceship. When those things start hatching, you won’t see me for dust... no way I want one of those stuck to my face.
According to data from Talkwalker, the toy has generated nearly 30,000 unique social media mentions over the last week, absolutely crazy. Better than that cabbage-headed doll from a few years back though.
Plus, with Talkwalker understanding 187 languages, I’m covered globally.
TW: True or false, you give coal to naughty kids?
Kris: Do you really think I have time to be delivering lumps of coal?!! Nope, they just don’t get any presents. Harsh but true; they soon learn.
TW: It did seem peculiar, “hey kid, you’ve been naughty, have some fossil fuel.”
So, how do you navigate the globe and find all the kids’ dwellings, without getting lost?
Kris: Ever wondered why Rudolph’s nose is red? It’s a prototype GPS, originally called WhoNose!
TW: You’re a house-breaker that enters down the chimney. Why that route and how do you avoid coal fires?
Kris: I chose the chimney as my point of entry because, as you so delicately point out, I’m breaking and entering. Chimneys are rarely alarmed.
Social listening again for the fires. I search for mentions of #firstsnow, #snow, #winteriscoming, etc. Failing that… asbestos pants!
— All About Limassol (@About_Limassol) December 1, 2016
TW: When I was a kid, my best friend had one of those dolls that pee and cry at the same time. Thank you for leaving me one in my Christmas stocking. The novelty wore off pretty quickly as leakage from both ends became tiresome. As a kid, I wasn’t keen on school and I asked you if I could come and work for you instead, be an elf. I didn’t hear back. What are my chances now?
Kris: Ho ho ho, I never understood the crying/peeing doll trend, but it was before Talkwalker came on the scene so who’s to say it was an accurate trend.
Union rules state that I can’t employ outside the brotherhood. Something to do with ‘elf & safety – LOL, I’m on fire!
TW: How do you cope with all the new ways to communicate, to make sure you don’t miss any Christmas lists?
Kris: My elves are computer literate and have smartphones, so email and texts aren’t a biggie. Naturally, we’ve set up Talkwalker alerts to catch any Christmas lists posted by parents on social media. Nothing slips through the net.
TW: Every home you visit, food is left out for you. What’s your favorite treat?
Kris: These days, what I like and what I get are two different things. I enjoy cookies, rice pudding, mince pies, cookies, milk, sherry, a pint of the black stuff. With everyone jumping on the clean-eating bandwagon, I’m getting a lot of low calorie snacks and non-alcoholic beer. What’s that all about? Hey girlfriend, this ain’t no fat suit; tradition dictates I’m well cushioned.
I'm thankful that the coconut milk trend is on the decline.
TW: Yeah, what’s the idea behind drinking cloudy water with a vague hint of coconut, ewww?!
You’ve been fulfilling our dreams for years. This is your chance to ask something of us.
Kris: A few years back I was caught on camera, allegedly, kissing someone’s mommy under the mistletoe. On Rudolph’s nose, I swear she had something in her eye. Anyway, long story short, my black eye took weeks to go down, and I had no end of problems convincing the wife of my innocence.
Lose the webcams, I beg of you!
TW: Ouch, not good! We’ll pass your message on.
Okay, final question and we’ll let you get back to your workshop. Once the last gift has been delivered and you’re back home, how do you wrap up the day?
Kris: Ho ho ho, subtle. Leave the jokes to me in future!
Once we’ve paid off the speeding fines, tended any serious paper cuts, and I’ve removed my asbestos pants – we party like it’s 1999!
TW: Thanks Kris, it’s been real!
Kris: Laters!
Let’s go boys…
